she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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