Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
