sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize