I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So much Jack, so little girl.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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