I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
