dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
