So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
