so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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