I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
