1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
