I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
