I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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