I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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