Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
