New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's never too late to be topless.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
