i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
