dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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