the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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