Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
