Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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