Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
