nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
