Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My first STD was from a foam party
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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