yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
