I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
