Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
