Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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