Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
