Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
