I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
