Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
