I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
