I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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