C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just saw a hot homeless man
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
