Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
