the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
