What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
