I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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