At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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