I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
