nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
