They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
