worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
