Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize