come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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