I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
