So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
