Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can feel your judgement through the phone
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
