She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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