Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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