I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Farmville is her only friend.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
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