Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
