I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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