my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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