U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
