I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
