Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
