so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
