SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize