I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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