she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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