I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We're too hungover to prance.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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