I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
