So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
