when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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