..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
