Too much gin, very little bucket
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
