Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
