Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize