I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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