You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
