i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
