redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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