Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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