so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
