Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
