her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
