Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize