giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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