I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
