So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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