I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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