i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
