Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
