i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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