Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
