I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
