Old men and throwing up are my life now.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
