don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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