you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
